Creepy or Cute

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The funny thing about dating is that two different boys can do the same thing and merit such opposite reactions from the females. “Oh, cute, right?” or “Woof. Creepy!”

For example:

                                                                        

Boy brings flowers to your work.

Cute: You have had a crush on him for two years. 

                                                                                 

Creepy: This boy got your number last night and somehow found out where you work.

                                                                                              

He says you were in his dream last night. 

Cute: You guys are on the brink of dating

Creepy: The only interaction you have had with this boy is catching him staring at you in bio lab.

                                                                                                        

He invites you on a road trip with the family. 

Cute: This shows commitment.

Creepy: You’ve overheard his mom saying, “invite her, this will seal the deal.”

Taking lots of pictures when out together.

Cute: He wants to remember how bonita you looked at the sushi bar.

Creepy: Really, 30 pics have just been uploaded to Facebook without you even knowing they were taken?

Wishing that our cute outweighed the creepy,

Char and Gert

How to Spot a Playa

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An email we received recently:

Hello ladies!

I think you're fantastic and your blog has rescued me from my deepest darkest spinster moods! I have a question-- when is it appropriate for a foxy female to ask a dashing gentleman for his number? How can one tell if that same guy is just a flirt in general-- or even...*gulp*... if he's a player?

Sincerely,

Your hopelessly confused spinster friend

Our response:

Dear Spinster Friend,

In general, it is best to wait for the guy to ask for your number. But that doesn’t mean you can’t flirtatiously help him out…

·      “We should hang out again!”

·      “Call me next time you go to the University men’s soccer game!”

·      “I never see you anymore! Can we change that?”

·      “Can you send me that picture?”

All of these statements should be followed by him saying “Well let me get your number!” You can’t give it to him any easier than that. And if he doesn’t get it, the caveman doesn’t deserve you.

However, if you are hanging out with a bunch of people and the moment is right you can casually ask for it. That’s how groups of guys start hanging out with girls-with one brave member of the group getting the number of a member of the other group. You will then become the ultimate bridge between the groups.

           

How to Spot a Playa:
Player: noun.  Male who wishes to be an all-star in the dating arena. He aspires to be the defender, mid-fielder, and forward all at the same time. His phone is full of numbers and he uses several a day. He may have a morning, afternoon, and evening girlfriend.

Is it possible to tame a player? Perhaps. Nothing is impossible ladies.

Trying to snag a player is high risk, high reward.

Typical player moves:

•  He uses terms of endearment with lots of girls (baby gurl)
• He calls girls late at night to hang out.
•  Gives routine compliments to lots of girls         (Hey-look’in good!)
•  Like Tuesday Tennis boy he has a go-to activity to do with girls (hot-tubbing, Disney movie night, long boarding and slurpiees…)
• Ask around! All females have a secret underground network in which they dish information on other guys. 
• For example: We were waiting in line at a concert the other night with a fellow Spinster and she was telling us about this guy she was trying to figure out. Through the craziest “small world” connection Char had known that he was a bad egg and gave the Spinster the dish on the fella.

Happy Playa Hunting!

Gert and Char

Z-Listing Enemies

 

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 Okay, enemies is a little harsh. Let’s make the umbrella category be Trouble Makers.

In my phone I put a “z” in front of all the names that I don’t want to accidently call or text. Because sometimes when you want to send a text ABOUT someone you send the text TO that person.

People who you should z-list:

o  Your boss

o  Ex-boyfriend

o  Co-workers

o  Pot-stirrers

o  TAs from school

o  Girls who like to spread rumors

Here are some examples of when people did not z-list and disaster inevitably struck:

#1 From one Spinster to Another:

A Spinster was driving past her friend’s house and saw an unwelcome suitor waiting on the porch of the unsuspecting Friend. Hoping to help her friend avoid an awkward situation, the Spinster texted her friend,

“Hey! Stalker Boy is outside your house! Don’t come home!”

….and she accidently sent it to Stalker Boy.

#2 From one Guy to Another.

The pictures on Facebook were just too bad to ignore. Guy had to tell his friend how painfully awkward JOHN’S recently posted pictures were.

“Hey you need to get on FB and look at JOHN’s pictures. They are out of control weird.”

….and he sent it to JOHN.

#3 From Charlotte to BFF

One time I ran into not my own ex-boyfriend, but one of my fellow Spinster’s ex boyfriends. I am not awesomely proud of what I did but I need to share it just to emphasize the importance of “Z-listing”.

This punk of a boy had hurt my friend big time and I was having none of his cozying up to me at this party. He said something about my friend that made me really mad so I took the piece of pizza on my plate and shoved it into his face.

It’s fine. I am an adult.

Excitedly hurrying out of the room, I whipped out my phone to text my friend about my triumph. I start composing the text which went along the lines of:

“Guess who just shoved pizza all over punk boy’s face?!”

I was really excited to hear her response and when she hadn’t replied for awhile I checked my sent box on my phone to make sure it actually sent. Oh it sent alright.

It was sent to punk boy.

In my excitement I accidently put his name in the “to” box and not my friend’s name. 

Who you’re sending a text TO and whom the text is ABOUT are two very different things. So learn from my mistake ladies and start “z-listing”. 

Getting way too many Z-listers in my phone,

Charlotte

Tips from the Experts

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Ladies!


Good news!


Studying for finals is not a complete waste of time. For many years there has been a stigma against finals which is fully justified, however....when reading chapter 10 of Social Psychology....we can find some preeetttty helpful information.


Chapter 10: Interpersonal Attraction


This chapter, in the fabulous Seventh Edition, straight up tells you how to get a boyfriend! Bam! 


We could learn this in a textbook? Wow! 


Who knew the deepest realms of mysteriousness could be answered by a few mere pages written by old men in bow ties who happen to have PhD's.......


Girls, they can really relate to us and I am sure they know what we are going through. Give 'em a chance.


The chapter first introduces perceptions of romance by Westerners. These authors claim that we have a skewed sense of romance. Psh, please. As if Sleepless in Seattle, Pride and Prejudice, and Twilight couldn't really happen....come on guys.


Next, we learn that "guys are more promiscuous and aggressive regarding dating" and that "males value attractiveness more than women" (didn't need no dang grad school edurcation to tell you that)


Lastly, we learn that "the simplest determinants of interpersonal attraction are proximity, similarity, and interpersonal style."


So basically, if you like a guy...
1. You should move in right next door so you can "bump" into him everyday. (This takes care of proximity.)
2. You should find out what he likes and like it too. Who cares if his hobbies include bird calling, stamp collecting, and Star Trek fanfiction. You better like them too if you know what's good for ya! (This takes care of similarity). 
3. You should mimic how he talks to others. If he slaps his friend on the back when talking, then you do it too. If he laughs obnoxiously at the movie theater, then you laugh right along with him. We are nothing if not adaptable. (This takes care of interpersonal style.) 


These all sound simple enough. We should all have boyfriends by the end of the week. 


Always doing our research,


Char and Gert

Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em

*Well ladies, since our prayers were not fully answered then we just have to make do with what we have.

Like it or not ESPN and Sports Center are not going anywhere soon so let’s use it to our advantage shall we?

If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em.

Here are some helpful hints on how to talk sports with a guy.

While watching, try to balance out talking about things you like and following the game:

• We know you really want to tell him how ridiculously long your class presentations went today and how the guy sitting next to you on the bus smelled liked lawn clippings and read over your shoulder, but remember you are also pretending to be a sports expert. 
• We know you are all excellent at talking about the things that actually interest you so we will give you the other boring half of the conversation, which will be sports.

Great Go-To Phrases:

“What?! Number _____ was totally off-sides!”

            Any number between 0-99 is usually safe. This tactic is usable in virtually every sport.

“Now…didn’t he play for ___________?”

            Any other team. Guys love knowing the right answer. Warning: Make sure you say a different team in the same sport. Your cover would be blown if you were watching basketball then brought up a football team.

“Man our defense is KILLING us tonight.”

            Use this phrase anytime your team is behind.

“We are really covering the field/court/ice tonight!”

            Use this phrase anytime the guy gets excited about something that happened.

Finally, commenting about the size/speed/agility/haircut/tattoos of any of the players at any time will earn you points.

Just remember ladies, this is not about trying to be someone you are not. It’s about securing a second date.

Secretly plotting the demise of Sports Center,

Char and Gert

p.s. You want a crazy awesome thank-goodness-it's-Friday song? 

Andy Grammar. Fine By Me. 

Car dancing is a requirement while listening.

Oops..I did it again

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As a spinster, I enjoy making friends. You know, meeting new people, riding the friendship train, so on and so forth. However, sometimes this gets me into trouble…..

specifically with the male gender.

A recent troublesome conundrum occurred in my intro. to law class.

(Now I know what you are all thinking. “Gert, you are only in that class to meet the men.”

To all of you I say “false.” I actually am interested in law…sue me…no pun intended.)

Anyways, I developed a friendship with a delightful young man. The word FRIENDSHIP cannot be stated enough.

So, as friends, we walked together since we were going the same way. He asked me how far I was walking and I said, "pretty far."

Dun, dun, dun.

Mistake.

Kindly he said “let me give you a ride. I am parked close by.”

I thought to myself, “what harm can a ride do?” So I agreed.

We walked to the parking lot and I walked towards what I thought was his car. Again, I made a mistake…an all too common occurrence.

He said, “no, this is my ride.”

Behold, the motorcycle.

To make a story short, I had to straddle my friend and hold on to him for dear life because I am terrified beyond description of cycles with motors.

This gave him the wrong idea……he wanted to be more than friends.

Oooops.


Moral of the story.....not sure
How to express you are "just friends"....not sure

(Sigh)


Adieu, 

Gert

Ask a Spinster: Purse Must-Haves and Movie Theater Cuddling

Recently we have been asked a plethora of questions by fellow Spinsters that we feel we need to address. We love nothing more than getting questions and answering them to the best of our master-mind abilities.

If you have a troubling question, concern, or want to share a horrible story/want to vent then tip tap to your heart’s content and leave a comment or email us at:

spinstersrus@gmail.com

We will respond as sassily as possible.

Question #1

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Spinster 1: “I want to know what is in your purse(s). What should I always have on hand to keep the boys a comin'?”

Gert and Char: Every girl should have a “Mary Poppins purse” that has everything you need all the time. But our go-to purse ingredients include:

1. Natural Ice chapstick. No man in his right mind wants to kiss an ooey gooey bright red lipsticked face. Gett’in all dolled up for a girls night is great but on a date, keep this eco-friendly, soothing, balm on hand. Nothing says, “kiss me you fool” like healthy, happy, lipstick free lips.

            2. Emergency bobby pins/hair elastics. Your trendy blowout curls experiment could go bad at the slightest drop in humidity. Keep extra hair stuff on hand in case you get caught in a rainstorm/play ultimate Frisbee and need to spruce up real quick. We want you looking prima, not prima donna.

           

            3. Socks. Huh? No. For reals. How many times does your date, bless his heart, spring activities on you that involve socks and you are unprepared in your Sperrys, Toms or flippy floppies? You need socks for bowling, ice-skating, hikes, roller-blading, horse-back riding, curling, tree-climbing, spelunking…okay too far, but you always need thin, long socks.

            4. Reading Material. Probably not for dates (unless it gets really bad, and not even then) but when you’re waiting for the bus, sitting in the hall before class, or registering for a new drivers license. Nothing says, “Come talk to me because I am a highly informed, on top of it, well educated feline who happens to be extremely attractive” than a good book in hand. It’s an easy thing for guys to bring up as a conversation starter and shows off how sophisticated you are.

Let him fall in love with your brain. It’s ok.

Question #2

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Spinster 2: “How do you cuddle in a movie theater?”

Char and Gert: Quite simple. You don’t. It is virtually impossible.

Let’s start with armrest position shall we?

Swanky movie theaters will have options of lift-able armrests while other theaters are super old school and have armrests dead bolted to the milk dud infested floor.  

If your date has the benjamins then you’re probably at a nice theater.

Do you lift the arm rest? Does he? When do you lift it? Before the show starts? During previews? When the show gets scary?

It all depends on the message you want to send. If you want to be Wonder Woman Brave you lift that arm rest up right when you sit down and act like it’s no big deal. Let the magic happen from there. But if you are unsure or want to let him drive this train just sit down and be content with what he does.

The Move

Listen. We’re not in 7^th grade anymore. No need to coyly slide your hand close to his and make it 100% easy for him to take your hand. If he wants to hold your hand then he will man up and take your hand, regardless of where you’ve placed it. Or if he’s been a real gentleman and has asked you on multiple dates you can go ahead and take his hand. But dang girl that takes moxy!

So say he grabs your hand and you put your head on his shoulder. Within ten minutes your hands will be so sweaty you could create a swamp and his arm will be dead. What part of dead arm makes him want to ask you out again?

As you can see, movie theater cuddling is more trouble than it’s worth.

If you want to cuddle, watch a movie at your house.

Or go spelunking.

Pretending to know the answers,

Gertrude and Charlotte