Friday, March 11, 2011

Woof: a common term used among Spinsters


While perusing our guide you will discover that we harbor an insatiable appetite for interesting words. Don’t worry. We don’t understand half of them either but use them with glibness. We also have an extensive vocabulary of fallacious words in our arsenal. We’ll start small to wet your palate of the diction that awaits you.

     1.                    adj. Coming from the ancient language of Home Alone. (i.e. “Buzz’s girlfriend…WOOF!”) May be used as an exclamation at times of great exacerbation. Possible scenarios include “He didn’t call you back?! WOOF.”; “I had to work overtime and didn’t get paid extra. WOOF.”; or “The midterm had nothing to do with the review. WOOF.”

2.              sound. The canine mammal makes.

Yours truly,

Charlotte and Gertrude

Misconceptions of a Spinster


Misconceptions of a Spinster

1.     Old.
2.     Ugly.
3.     Cat Lovers.
4.     Never been kissed.
5.     Knitting needles holding up gray streaked bun.
6.     Did I mention ugly?
7.     Floral patterns.
8.     Home Shopping Network.
9.     Socially awkward.
10. Bitter.

As you can see, our species has been desecrated by the scoffs of the ignorant.
Allow us to shed some light on the situation.

What a Real Spinster Looks Like

1.     Young.
2.     A Looker.
3.     Intelligently Classy.
4.     Had a plethora of kisses.
5.     Health conscious but not afraid to have a Snack Attack.*
6.     Not embarrassed to admit their age.
7.     Has a life plan or at least pretends to.
8.     Confident enough to stay home on Friday nights.
9.     Unruly emotional at times.
10.Many suitors but not sold yet.

*Snack Attack: verb. To enter a store of grocery and purchase and/or inhale an assortment of unmentionable treats. (i.e. crunchy Cheetos, Orange Dream Bars, and chocolate cake doughnuts. See also atetoomuch and undotopbuttonofjeans.

Cast away your fears.
Breathe in.
Breath out.
Taste the sweet nectar of freedom.
Toss your self-consciousness to the winds and live.

You are entering a sisterhood of chic sophistication with a hint of sass, a dash of optimism and a smidgen of sexiness. 

Welcome to the Hood,
Charlotte and Gertrude

The Joys of Spinsterhood


Or not welcome.

You choose.

But we welcome you.

Because we spinsters must stick together.

Like it or not at one point in time all of us feel like we will end up being spinsters but that doesn’t mean we should pout. In fact, we should treasure it.  

If you’ve ever been disoriented by the dating scene or never understood why we must perform acrobatics to survive college life, then meet here and we’ll do lunch.

We have tried to create a purpose for this blog. There is none. We refer you to our bosom friend Samuel Langhorne Clemens (also known to the masses as Mark Twain) for our reasoning.

“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. “

This blog may frustrate you but it will also liberate you.

Charlotte and Gertrude