Tuesday, November 15, 2011

J. Crew: The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook

We all knew it was inevitable didn’t we?

We just had to talk about it.

J. Crew.

Now, for veteran J. Crew shoppers I could have just said the name of the store and ended the post. There is nothing more I can say.

However, this post is for potential and/or rookie J. Crew shoppers. Before you set foot into this obelisk of fashion, there are a few things you need to know.

1.   J. Crew names their clothes.

The “Betsy” blazer. The “Anna” pant. “Jenna’s” cashmere boyfriend cardigan.

Why is that a problem you ask? Well…If they name their ankle cut “perfect for every day of the week” black pants something like Darcy, it automatically makes you think of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and then you have to buy it…

Clothes that have names makes them more endearing and if you don’t buy them it’s like staring at a lost fluffy baby kitten. You have to buy it.  It has a name. It has feelings! So while our tender hearts gently carry the item to checkout, corporate J. Crew reels in the Benjamins.


Because every fairytale needs a villain doesn’t it? So remember, while you’re walking around the perfectly lit store with its comfortingly perfumed air and saintly colored and textured fabrics, remember there is a scoundrel afoot.
The cash registrar.

Don’t be deceived my young rookie shopper. The cashiers decked in perfect J. Crew outfits with their perfectly cut bangs are about to utter something truly hideous.

2. Your total.

Who knew numbers could be painful?

But let’s be honest ladies, pain is beauty. Pain is beauty.

3. And then there’s the “personal shopper” option. Someone to do the shopping for you? That’s like baking a cake and then hiring someone to eat it.

4. Let’s not even mention the 13 emails a week you get from the store. I try to squint as I delete them so that I don’t accidently see something I didn’t even know I needed and go ahead and spend two weeks worth of groceries with one simple click of the mouse.

J. Crew. The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook.

Keep shopping,

Char and Gertie

p.s.  There is this delicious blog dedicated to all things J. Crew. It tells you when sales are, gives discounts, and tells you what fabulous outfit you should wear to your next “holiday party”. Dang it. There goes my next pay check….

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