Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Oh the HORROR!

What is the most painful experience in human existence?

Child birth?
Slipping on ice and bruising your tailbone?
Jamming your pinkie while playing teatherball?


The most painful experience in human existence is…

            Awkward silences on dates.

We would rather hear a junior high choir sing “It’s a Small World” over and over again.

We would rather professors go back to using chalkboards and scratch their car keys on it.

We would rather stand on a street corner with a big fat sign around our neck that says, “Still not married” than have an awkward silence on a date.

A Spinster emailed us this week asking for tips on how to squash awkward silences on dates.

Fact of Dating
Sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how great a conversationalist you are, no matter how many topics you think of….there will be awkward silences.

Helpful Tips

“Nest it”
If you have a great story to tell or a question you want to ask and don’t want to forget it, but your date is already saying something else or you are ordering food just “nest” it.

Now, nesting must be secret or you will look like a fool. Simply do something with your hands to help you remember what you were going to say.
·      If you were going to ask him about his favorite type of car, form your hand into a “c”.
·      Or if you were going to tell him about the time your plane left without you in Hawaii, rest your hands on top of each other so it looks like plane wings.

This sounds idiotic but IT WORKS! The key to keeping up a conversation is being prepared.

Use your surroundings
If your date has gone quiet and isn’t helping you out, look around and you’ll get ideas of what you can talk about. If you see a skateboarder going past you, ask if he’s ever skateboarded. If you drive past a billboard with an ad for “The Avengers” ask if he’s seen it or if he likes super heroes or tell him you were the pink power ranger for Halloween.

Double Dip
When your dates asks you why you decided to become a CNA or if you like dirt biking, give your answer, then throw the question right back at him. Answering a question then sitting there waiting for him to talk again is a rookie mistake.

This is if you start scraping the bottom of the barrel, but joke pirate to your heart’s content. For those of you unfamiliar with joke pirating, it is basically telling other people’s stories as your own. Will your date fall in love with you thinking you are someone different? Probably. And when he does, just give him your friend’s number at the end of the night. You can be a bridesmaid.

 Banishing the silence,

Gert and Char 


  1. hah! Oh my joke pirating is genius. I am pretty sure that I have pulled all of these once or twice, but that nesting idea? Never thought of that before, I am totes using it.

    Oh you kill me. Thanks for keepin' up with the wit. You complete my singledom.

  2. "nest it" i think that may be the trick for me. i always have something to say in the middle of someone else's thoughts (and sometimes i'm awful enough to interrupt for fear of forgetting it altogether) but perhaps this trick will be the key to my future success on dates -- who am i kidding? this will bring me success everywhere, not just dating. i have pulled that rookie mistake of not asking the question back far too many times. let's just say i'm awful at carrying a conversation and leave it at that.

  3. Whenever my husband and I have an awkward silence, I usually end it by saying something innappropriate making him wish the silence was still going. Maybe I'll try your trick. granted I already know he sucks at skate boarding and loves The Avengers. Maybe I'll have to stick with being uncooth.