Lost in the Woods

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This weekend I got my “woodsy” on and went to a cabin up in the mountains. Cabins are great at making you realize how much you like your own house. For instance, I could go months without every thinking twice about how I have a toilet that flushes in my house. 

No outhouses for this spinster.

But all in all the trip was refreshing. It gave me an excuse to wear my “going to cabins flannel button up that I got from the men’s section of H&M.” I always buy items like that thinking I will all of a sudden enjoy sleeping in the outdoors.

The outdoors are great for rocking some good trail running and even the occasional recreational sport such as roasting smores. Yes. Roasting smores is a sport which I am still a rookie at. It’s fine. But the outdoors is, as its name suggests, OUT DOORS. And when you venture to the outdoors that generally entails driving.

Driving. It seems simple enough right? Gas pedals, turning signals, directions…

Wait. DIRECTIONS?!

Oh heavens no. Please no. The dreaded “d” word. The part of the cerebral cortex that Mother Nature failed to insert into the female cranium.

So there I am right? Driving down the canyon from my woodsy cabin experience. My lined sheet of paper clenched in my overly anxious right fist with elementary like pictures telling me which way to turn. These drawings were graciously drawn for me by one of my direction savvy friends at the cabin.

Direction savvy friend: “…and then after you follow all these directions you’ll just be at the freeway.”

 Non-direction savvy me: “Oh. Okay.”

Direction savvy friend: “So you know how to get home from there?”

Me: “Oh yeah! Yeah for sure.”

My foolish pride and overly confident perception of my driving skills prohibited me from asking the simple questions that could have saved me.

Once I got to the crossroads to get on the freeway I saw two options. One would take me home and the other would take me to the most podunk town that is probably not even on Google maps.

Guess which one I took?

I drove THIRTY MILES in the complete opposite direction which I consequently had to backtrack and get on the right freeway, totaling a SIXTY MILE detour. (Yes I did have to pull over in Podunk town and the gas station attendant was very kind and didn’t treat me like the infant I was being.)

Directions are for the birds.

I have the same problem in the mall when they have those little red dots on the map of the mall that say, “You are here”.

Of course I’m here! I know I’m right here! I need to know which way Express is you fool!

And while I stand there yelling at the mall directory every other human is finding their way around this planet quite nicely.

Lost but looking lovely,

Charlotte 

It's the most "EnGaGiNg" time of the year

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Some have inquired about how it feels to be a spinster over the holidays. We would love to answer your questions. In fact, keep them coming. Our wealth of knowledge is meant to be shared because "with great power comes great responsibility."

The holidays.

They were great.

Eggnog, woolly socks, presents from Barnes and Noble, movie marathons....a spinster couldn't ask for more.
Yes it was awkward trying to dodge the ole' relations' questions of "Now are you seeing anybody these days?"
But our strategy has been perfected.

"(Cue: Nervous laugh) Oh....enough about me, I hear your daughter got engaged, let's hear about it."
        Perfect for moving the attention off of you and it couldn't make the relation happier as they get to talk about themselves.

"Ya know, just dating around."
        Now careful with this one as it could potentially backfire. You will need a list of names of these fellas and if you only have one, or in very sad cases zero, you must backpedal like your life depends on it. And that is not classy. Keep it classy.


"I have just been really busy with school/work/ummmmm yoga/Nick at Night. Dating is just not really a priority right now."
       This leaves you looking like a well-rounded, busy individual whose social life has been tossed aside for one of educational/monetarial/physical/cultural reasons (If you call Happy Days and Boy Meets World cultural.)


And finally, if it gets really bad, lie! Falsehood your way out of the problem.

Relations are great and we love spending time with them, but hopefully these one liners will get you out of some sticky situations in the future.

New Years, as always, was a treat. This year was slightly different then others as we both had at least a baker's dozen friends get engaged.  (Thus our post title).

One was proposed to in the Swiss Alps-that's normal.
Another, on a yacht-also normal.
Yet another, under the fireworks.


For once, I want to hear about a proposal happening in a J. Crew store (Char's dream!) No more of this yacht garbage!

So yes, all in all, it was a delightful holiday. Some girls were extra good and got some diamond rocks on their fingers for Christmas. But we are content with our Scrabble Expansion Pack.

You're always welcome for a Saturday night Scrabble Scrimmage Session.
Kisses,

Char and Gertie

The Week of H- E- Double Hockey Sticks

Finals Week

Warning: may cause overwhelming bouts of stress due to the extreme amount of reading, writing, studying, and lack of sleep.

Do not fear, this too shall pass....

if stress wrinkles incur please refer below to Greer's helpful tips.

Love,
 the always positive Char and Gert

5 things that are simply exhilarating to do by yourself

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One thing about being a Spinster is that you don’t always have someone with you all the time. A “wingman” as it were. But who says you can’t go out and have a good time on a Tuesday, Monday or even Saturday night? Below is a list of 5 things that are, as the title suggests, “simply exhilarating to do by yourself.”

And remember, if you start to waiver and think, “What if someone thinks I’m weird?” All you have to remember is….

Nothing is more beautiful than confidence

1.     Go to a movie.

And I mean go to a movie. No red box’in it with take out Chinese.

2.     Be completely phoneless.

We’re all guilty of it. The second we feel uncomfortable whether it be at a party, riding the bus, standing in line, or the person we’re with sees someone they know, resist the urge to swipe your phone out of your canvas bag.

Everyone knows you’re not really texting someone so you might as well keep your eyes forward, smile and be the most graceful woman in the room. 

3.     Go feed the ducks at the park.

Ducks are more like humans than you realize. But to find out how, you’re just gonna have to go try it.

4.     Go to a nicer restaurant.

I say nicer restaurant because that means you can’t bust out a book and start reading, acting like you are very busy. Drink in the atmosphere. Relish your meal. Appreciate the music. And if you’re super brave, send your compliments to the chef.

5.     Go to a museum.

It doesn’t even have to be super swanky.  A lot of smaller museums have “free admission days” or discounts or may be straight up non-profit. As you wander through looking at art or sculptures or stuff you have no clue what it is, breathe deeply and think about how you’re beautifying your mind.

Needing a “buddy” or “someone to go with” is a thing of the past.

We have officially cut the umbilical cord to you and your insecurities.

Enjoy your newfound freedom,

Ever yours,

Gertie and Char

J. Crew: The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook

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We all knew it was inevitable didn’t we?

We just had to talk about it.

J. Crew.

Now, for veteran J. Crew shoppers I could have just said the name of the store and ended the post. There is nothing more I can say.

However, this post is for potential and/or rookie J. Crew shoppers. Before you set foot into this obelisk of fashion, there are a few things you need to know.

1.   J. Crew names their clothes.

The “Betsy” blazer. The “Anna” pant. “Jenna’s” cashmere boyfriend cardigan.

Why is that a problem you ask? Well…If they name their ankle cut “perfect for every day of the week” black pants something like Darcy, it automatically makes you think of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and then you have to buy it…

Clothes that have names makes them more endearing and if you don’t buy them it’s like staring at a lost fluffy baby kitten. You have to buy it.  It has a name. It has feelings! So while our tender hearts gently carry the item to checkout, corporate J. Crew reels in the Benjamins.

And I mean BENJAMINS.

Because every fairytale needs a villain doesn’t it? So remember, while you’re walking around the perfectly lit store with its comfortingly perfumed air and saintly colored and textured fabrics, remember there is a scoundrel afoot.

The cash registrar.

Don’t be deceived my young rookie shopper. The cashiers decked in perfect J. Crew outfits with their perfectly cut bangs are about to utter something truly hideous.

2. Your total.

Who knew numbers could be painful?

But let’s be honest ladies, pain is beauty. Pain is beauty.

3. And then there’s the “personal shopper” option. Someone to do the shopping for you? That’s like baking a cake and then hiring someone to eat it.

4. Let’s not even mention the 13 emails a week you get from the store. I try to squint as I delete them so that I don’t accidently see something I didn’t even know I needed and go ahead and spend two weeks worth of groceries with one simple click of the mouse.

J. Crew. The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook.

Keep shopping,

Char and Gertie

p.s.  There is this delicious blog dedicated to all things J. Crew. It tells you when sales are, gives discounts, and tells you what fabulous outfit you should wear to your next “holiday party”. Dang it. There goes my next pay check….

Communication, a girl's best friend

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Alright ladies, I do not write this post to badger with more relationship chatter but just indulge. Please.

We hear all the time about how a relationship is based on communication, communication, and more communication. Personally, this makes sense, but the horror lies in the fact that this responsibility lies on the female. I don’t think that this trait is present in the male mind-I would like to be proven wrong.

Here are the definitions of the many types of “male communicators”.

These are in no order of importance. All are equally lame.

1.        The Messenger Pigeon: a guy who tells his friend to tell your friend to tell you to come watch their basketball game. This guy will literally send a messenger pigeon to your door before he will talk to you face to face.

2.        The Techno Turd: Facebook, Twitter, texting, instant messaging, and e-mail are all a favorite for this go getter. He is not afraid to talk as long as his fingers are doing the work.

3.       The Silent Stallion: (Ideal for a date). Easily defined. He is silent.

4.        The Ambiguous Amateur: this guy is always eager to make plans. Examples: “We should do something soon.” “Oh, you like tennis? We should play sometime!” or “I will call you this weekend.” All sound promising but lead to let down because this guy has no idea what he is doing.

5.       The Freaky Fiasco: these are the guys you catch staring. Now I will be the first to admit that it is flattering to catch a guy stealing a second peek as he walks by. But this guy knows no limits. He lingers and he stares. No one knows exactly what he is communicating….

Maybe it is left for us to communicate. Let’s be real, are DTR’s ever started by a male?

Big kiss, little kiss, big hug, little hug,

Char and Gert

TLC: Weird, Weirder, and Weirdest

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It’s disgusting how much we like this t.v. channel. When the creators of TLC sat down together to think of what they’d like to have their channel be about, I’m pretty sure the consensus was to make sure that everything that happened needed to be eccentric.  And then the next time they met they thought, “How can we make this next season even weirder?”

And. We. Love. It.

The reason we like it so much is because the people on the show are nothing like us.

 It’s a constant parade of peculiar behavior and we eat it up like a berry parfait.

Let’s review 4 of the shows:

What not to wear

Two consultants, Stacy and Clinton, take people who have been voted by their friends and family as having the ugliest wardrobe in the country. Like fairy godmothers, they turn these sad, saggy, sloppy people into confident, beautiful happy people. It’s like Cinderella but without the singing mice.

Four weddings

Four brides duke it out to have the most fabulous wedding and the winner gets a killer honeymoon. While one of the four brides walks down the aisle, the other three sit in the crowd and talk about how her dress isn’t that cute, the buffet food was a little salty, and the reception hall was too cold. But the three critics are soon put on the pedestal and judged just as harshly at their own weddings.

There is something deliciously wrong about rating other people’s weddings.

And as Spinsters, we get to do it on a regular basis.

Say yes to the dress

Kleinfelds: A wedding dress store in Manhattan. Hundreds of high maintenance girls from all over the country coming in with daddy’s checkbook. Dress selection. Unlimited budgets. Alterations mayhem.  Tears. Happy Endings.

Could this show get any better? But once again, we love this show because we are nothing like these prima donnas. They throw fits because their wedding dress budget is only $18,000? It’s like a train wreck. We can’t look away. We all love Randy too. 

Extreme couponing

These people don’t use their garages because they have three years worth of toothbrushes, dish soap, deodorant, Halloween candy, bottled water and other miscellaneous objects organized into neat dividers from floor to ceiling. Look around the room you’re sitting in right now, find an object, and they probably have a million of it. The extreme couponers will go to registers with over $2,000 dollars worth of stuff and end up paying $3.29.  I find myself internalizing the show and thinking, “I need to start clipping coupons!” but then I realize I have to go to the post office, return an ugly sweater to Old Navy that I accidently bought and write a paper for my humanities class that is due tomorrow (it was assigned 3 weeks ago. Why do I always leave things to the last second?! What was I doing for those 3 weeks?!?)

Oh yeah…watching extreme couponing.

Happy watching!

Gertie and Char